You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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