so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
do herpes really smell.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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