Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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