she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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