Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
