I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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