Apparently you make a good broom.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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