im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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