i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
