absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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