If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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