I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize