wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
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