My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
