I'm so fucking centered right now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
