Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
