Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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