so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
