Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He? As in you personified your dick?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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