i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
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