all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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