saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
