She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize