You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
where am i from again
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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