I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize