I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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