i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
