If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
