someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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