we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
