My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I currently don't understand fingers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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