College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
