At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
