i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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