We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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