I hate all girls vehemently.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
not ubering you a puppy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
