Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
