If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
