when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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