Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
