HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
