So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
