You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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