i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have fence marks all over my body
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize