DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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