Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
