Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's like God shit irony all over that family
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
