he wants to bone in the snuggie
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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