So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
