Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
