The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
bring money and cleavage
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
