The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
