you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
