oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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