They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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