Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
