I take back everything I said about communal showers
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
