i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
