Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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