Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
