is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Enjoy the penises
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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