nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i drank out of a bidet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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