well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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