After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They took my balls.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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