Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
