I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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