ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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