Non-Jews are for practice
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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