what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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