I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
