I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
