i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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