Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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