I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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