im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
