Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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