someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
