Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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