The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
