Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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