Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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