I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
