I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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