I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
