Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
