I love black thongs
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
