It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
