i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
