I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
