Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
