the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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