Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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