is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize