If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
