i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
