im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize