I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How external is "for external use only"?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
