listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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