My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
