just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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