Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
