He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
