I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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