One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
